I have a new blog. It is more professional looking, and includes pretty cool things like pictures, words, and non-blue colors. This transition to the new blog is part of a bigger project to have a professional website.
I genuinely hope you continue to read my new blog, as it will be the one updated from now on.
http://blog.ryanfolmsbee.com/
-Ryan
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
life doesn't have an audience.
I recently found out a professor in my program is sleeping with a student. He's married with kids.
Shortly after, I learned an employee in my program was hit on by a married man during a business trip.
Pretty bad, right?
-------------------------
"Who knows why people do what they do"
-------------------------
I'm going to hope no one on my Lawrence Ultimate Summer League reads my blog, and say what I'm about to say.
We have someone on our team named Beau. He has a girlfriend, whom we met last week. She has a broken arm, and can't play with us this summer.
We also met her friend, a newcomer to the team that has never played ultimate before. He was Swedish, handsome, and clearly friends with Beau's girlfriend. They spoke Swedish together.
As the game went on, I began to feel Beau's antagonistic behavior towards this guy. By the end of the game it was clear Beau did not want him there.
In Beau's defense, they were speaking Swedish to each other, the second sexiest language known to man, before whatever language Chewbacca speaks.
So fast-forward to today, and I see Beau's girlfriend and this Swedish guy hanging out with another friend. They were in a fountain together.
I spent the rest of today imagining the movie that this is. A young, attractive couple playing ultimate frisbee together. Trying to make it to the championship game and win the gold. Their relationship torn apart by this new, attractive man bound to her through this mysterious romance. Their relationship crumbles before the championship game, and all hope for the team is lost. Just minutes before the game, the couple realizes the beauty of their faults, find a love unmatched, and the team reunites, bonded by a strength that takes them to victory.
There would need to be a comedian on the team, for comic relief. With zany one-liners that turns the "drama" into a "dramedy". It'll get a bigger audience.
There also needs to be a secondary storyline with another team member. The compelling, tragic story of a young black man struggling to make it in today's society. He hopes to use ultimate as a way to get into college, and free himself from the stranglehold of his crime-riddled neighborhood. Forced to work under the shady drug dealer, this character eventually ending up in handcuffs and losing someone close to him. He finds future success in his sport, and rids this drug dealer's grip on his neighborhood in the process. This story line will mainly be Oscar bait, but it'll include a younger, up and coming actor.
The girlfriend's broken arm a face value metaphor for their struggling relationship. Held together through the couple's bandages, but the pain always persisting. Nothing but band-aids on bullet wounds. Her looking for relief, but only finding more heartbreak.
But how does that movie end? The Swedish guy confesses his love for her, and the girlfriend realizes Beau was the one all along? How does Beau come back from that? The damage is done.
Why does the Swedish guy not get a chance? Because he's not the main character? How do we know Beau belongs with her? Why would our biased opinion make Beau the better boyfriend?
But who am I to judge. Why is any of this my business?
It's not.
Because real life isn't like the movies. Things don't happen to maximize the emotional tug of the audience.
Real life doesn't have an audience. No one watches you. No one cares.
Above all else, we do things to find happiness. We all want to be happy, and we don't care how we look when we do it.
Because at the end of the day when you're alone in bed staring at your ceiling, no one is staring back.
So maybe we're all allowed to find happiness, without the threat of an audience's perception.
-Ryan
Shortly after, I learned an employee in my program was hit on by a married man during a business trip.
Pretty bad, right?
-------------------------
"Who knows why people do what they do"
-------------------------
I'm going to hope no one on my Lawrence Ultimate Summer League reads my blog, and say what I'm about to say.
We have someone on our team named Beau. He has a girlfriend, whom we met last week. She has a broken arm, and can't play with us this summer.
We also met her friend, a newcomer to the team that has never played ultimate before. He was Swedish, handsome, and clearly friends with Beau's girlfriend. They spoke Swedish together.
As the game went on, I began to feel Beau's antagonistic behavior towards this guy. By the end of the game it was clear Beau did not want him there.
In Beau's defense, they were speaking Swedish to each other, the second sexiest language known to man, before whatever language Chewbacca speaks.
So fast-forward to today, and I see Beau's girlfriend and this Swedish guy hanging out with another friend. They were in a fountain together.
I spent the rest of today imagining the movie that this is. A young, attractive couple playing ultimate frisbee together. Trying to make it to the championship game and win the gold. Their relationship torn apart by this new, attractive man bound to her through this mysterious romance. Their relationship crumbles before the championship game, and all hope for the team is lost. Just minutes before the game, the couple realizes the beauty of their faults, find a love unmatched, and the team reunites, bonded by a strength that takes them to victory.
There would need to be a comedian on the team, for comic relief. With zany one-liners that turns the "drama" into a "dramedy". It'll get a bigger audience.
There also needs to be a secondary storyline with another team member. The compelling, tragic story of a young black man struggling to make it in today's society. He hopes to use ultimate as a way to get into college, and free himself from the stranglehold of his crime-riddled neighborhood. Forced to work under the shady drug dealer, this character eventually ending up in handcuffs and losing someone close to him. He finds future success in his sport, and rids this drug dealer's grip on his neighborhood in the process. This story line will mainly be Oscar bait, but it'll include a younger, up and coming actor.
The girlfriend's broken arm a face value metaphor for their struggling relationship. Held together through the couple's bandages, but the pain always persisting. Nothing but band-aids on bullet wounds. Her looking for relief, but only finding more heartbreak.
But how does that movie end? The Swedish guy confesses his love for her, and the girlfriend realizes Beau was the one all along? How does Beau come back from that? The damage is done.
Why does the Swedish guy not get a chance? Because he's not the main character? How do we know Beau belongs with her? Why would our biased opinion make Beau the better boyfriend?
But who am I to judge. Why is any of this my business?
It's not.
Because real life isn't like the movies. Things don't happen to maximize the emotional tug of the audience.
Real life doesn't have an audience. No one watches you. No one cares.
Above all else, we do things to find happiness. We all want to be happy, and we don't care how we look when we do it.
Because at the end of the day when you're alone in bed staring at your ceiling, no one is staring back.
So maybe we're all allowed to find happiness, without the threat of an audience's perception.
-Ryan
Thursday, July 16, 2015
time is almost up.
So here's the thing about my funeral.
I really don't want it to be at a church. It has to be at the graveyard, and raining. JUST like in the movies. Everyone has a black umbrella.
With an American flag draped on the casket. I'm not overly patriotic, I just like how it gets folded at the end by the soldiers.
Oh, and a mysterious man needs to watch the funeral from afar. Maybe leaning against a tree? Watching.
The after-party has to have good food, too. Catered by a nice place. Where people widen their eyes, scrunch their lips, and nod when they hear it.
------------------
"I didn't even KNOW Chipotle catered."
------------------
Maybe something ethnic, like Indian. Not just sandwiches and pasta salad.
And no cans of soda, stabbed into a mountain of ice. What is this a family reunion?
Open bar.
When I was a kid I wanted to be cryogenically frozen. I liked the idea of not dying.
------------------
"Why does no one like us?"
------------------
I bet I'd be really good train conductor.
You turn it on and you move forward. You're only going one place, and only getting there one way.
That just sounds like how you find peace.
14 days until I'm officially a scrub. Pray for ya boy.
-Ryan
I really don't want it to be at a church. It has to be at the graveyard, and raining. JUST like in the movies. Everyone has a black umbrella.
With an American flag draped on the casket. I'm not overly patriotic, I just like how it gets folded at the end by the soldiers.
Oh, and a mysterious man needs to watch the funeral from afar. Maybe leaning against a tree? Watching.
The after-party has to have good food, too. Catered by a nice place. Where people widen their eyes, scrunch their lips, and nod when they hear it.
------------------
"I didn't even KNOW Chipotle catered."
------------------
Maybe something ethnic, like Indian. Not just sandwiches and pasta salad.
And no cans of soda, stabbed into a mountain of ice. What is this a family reunion?
Open bar.
When I was a kid I wanted to be cryogenically frozen. I liked the idea of not dying.
------------------
"Why does no one like us?"
------------------
I bet I'd be really good train conductor.
You turn it on and you move forward. You're only going one place, and only getting there one way.
That just sounds like how you find peace.
14 days until I'm officially a scrub. Pray for ya boy.
-Ryan
Sunday, July 12, 2015
got two pages, or about 30-40 seconds.
It's surprisingly difficult to tell a compelling story in two pages.
A production company is accepting 2-page screenplays about the world ending in 2 hours. It can be about anything, it just has to be 2 pages.
What would you do if you had 2 hours left to live?
I don't think the movie wants to explore the answer to that question. I think that question asks you what's important in your life. Family. Loved ones. Being with them during your last moments. Saying goodbye to the people you feel deserve it the most. Hearing it from the people you wish didn't have to say it to you.
I don't think a good script will have these kinds of moments. It doesn't have the emotion I'm looking for.
For two hours you are allowed to be exactly who you are. No rules, no society, no pressure. Complete freedom from every invisible wall we have put up as a society. What would you do?
Trash a Dick's Sporting Goods?
Kiss that girl from work that sits in the cubicle down the hallway and to the right? The one that you're pretty sure has a boyfriend, but took you 20 minutes to build up the courage to ask what her plans were for the weekend?
Or maybe you'll just sit on your porch with your spouse and open that bottle of wine you were saving for your anniversary next month.
Seriously. 30 seconds doesn't seem long at all.
-Ryan
A production company is accepting 2-page screenplays about the world ending in 2 hours. It can be about anything, it just has to be 2 pages.
What would you do if you had 2 hours left to live?
I don't think the movie wants to explore the answer to that question. I think that question asks you what's important in your life. Family. Loved ones. Being with them during your last moments. Saying goodbye to the people you feel deserve it the most. Hearing it from the people you wish didn't have to say it to you.
I don't think a good script will have these kinds of moments. It doesn't have the emotion I'm looking for.
For two hours you are allowed to be exactly who you are. No rules, no society, no pressure. Complete freedom from every invisible wall we have put up as a society. What would you do?
Trash a Dick's Sporting Goods?
Kiss that girl from work that sits in the cubicle down the hallway and to the right? The one that you're pretty sure has a boyfriend, but took you 20 minutes to build up the courage to ask what her plans were for the weekend?
Or maybe you'll just sit on your porch with your spouse and open that bottle of wine you were saving for your anniversary next month.
---------------------
"It goes to show, people will up and go mad when they believe their life is over."
---------------------
I read somewhere that the average person can hold their breath for around 30-40 seconds. That really doesn't seem like a long time at all.
---------------------
"I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me."
---------------------
I don't have a lot of time left. My unemployment has reached an expiration date, but the world hasn't seemed to notice. I saw myself having a job by this point. Working a 9 to 5 that turns my early afternoon leisure coffee into an early morning required coffee. Taking a long lunch and hoping my supervisor doesn't notice. Cracking jokes in the break room about that one coworker that totally looks like Jim Carry in that one movie.
Instead I'm in a coffee shop working on scripts. Thinking about the end of the world. Wondering when I officially reach "scrub" status.
But lately I've realized that new beginnings don't necessarily work out the way you want them to. You only have a certain amount of control over your life, and you can't spend it wishing you had full control.
No, I didn't steal that from a Zach Braff monologue in a Scrubs episode ending.
But random happenstance seems to play a bigger role than I thought. And lately that seems like a good thing. After all, the universe isn't out to get me.
"It goes to show, people will up and go mad when they believe their life is over."
---------------------
I read somewhere that the average person can hold their breath for around 30-40 seconds. That really doesn't seem like a long time at all.
---------------------
"I don't want no scrub. A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me."
---------------------
I don't have a lot of time left. My unemployment has reached an expiration date, but the world hasn't seemed to notice. I saw myself having a job by this point. Working a 9 to 5 that turns my early afternoon leisure coffee into an early morning required coffee. Taking a long lunch and hoping my supervisor doesn't notice. Cracking jokes in the break room about that one coworker that totally looks like Jim Carry in that one movie.
Instead I'm in a coffee shop working on scripts. Thinking about the end of the world. Wondering when I officially reach "scrub" status.
But lately I've realized that new beginnings don't necessarily work out the way you want them to. You only have a certain amount of control over your life, and you can't spend it wishing you had full control.
No, I didn't steal that from a Zach Braff monologue in a Scrubs episode ending.
But random happenstance seems to play a bigger role than I thought. And lately that seems like a good thing. After all, the universe isn't out to get me.
Seriously. 30 seconds doesn't seem long at all.
-Ryan
Monday, July 6, 2015
meditations in his own emergency.
I started reading "Meditations in an Emergency". It's a book of poetry written by Frank O'Hara in the late 1950s. I first learned of the book after seeing it in an episode of Mad Men.
The poems vary in length and meaning. Some are pretty short, and some require a comfortable chair. But you can't help but feel some similarities between them. Frank's voice becomes yours when you're reading them.
To me, they speak to the helplessness we feel from our environment. Our internalized disconnections we place on ourselves.
That feeling you get when you're at a party and you don't know anyone.
When you're laying in bed and you realize how quiet your world is.
I think that's what he meant by "meditations in an emergency". Those times when you are lost in translation with your own thoughts. Staring off in the distance trying to find an answer to a question you're not even asking yourself. We meditate for answers.
It's hard to tell what it was Frank felt disconnected from. But I wish I knew. An unfortunate car accident ended Frank's life in 1966, so we may never know what Frank felt when he wrote this book.
I jumped around, but the first poem in the book is definitely my favorite.
------------------
To the Harbormaster
I wanted to be sure to reach you;
though my ship was on the way it got caught
in some moorings. I am always tying up
and then deciding to depart. In storms and
at sunset, with the metallic coils of the tide
around my fathomless arms, I am unable
to understand the forms of my vanity
or I am hard alee with my Polish rudder
in my hand and the sun sinking. To
you I offer my hull and the tattered cordage
of my will. The terrible channels where
the wind drives me against the brown lips
of the reeds are not all behind me. Yet
I trust the sanity of my vessel; and
if it sinks, it may well be in answer
to the reasoning of the eternal voices,
the waves which have kept me from reaching you.
-Frank O'Hara
-------------------
-Ryan
The poems vary in length and meaning. Some are pretty short, and some require a comfortable chair. But you can't help but feel some similarities between them. Frank's voice becomes yours when you're reading them.
To me, they speak to the helplessness we feel from our environment. Our internalized disconnections we place on ourselves.
That feeling you get when you're at a party and you don't know anyone.
When you're laying in bed and you realize how quiet your world is.
I think that's what he meant by "meditations in an emergency". Those times when you are lost in translation with your own thoughts. Staring off in the distance trying to find an answer to a question you're not even asking yourself. We meditate for answers.
It's hard to tell what it was Frank felt disconnected from. But I wish I knew. An unfortunate car accident ended Frank's life in 1966, so we may never know what Frank felt when he wrote this book.
I jumped around, but the first poem in the book is definitely my favorite.
------------------
To the Harbormaster
I wanted to be sure to reach you;
though my ship was on the way it got caught
in some moorings. I am always tying up
and then deciding to depart. In storms and
at sunset, with the metallic coils of the tide
around my fathomless arms, I am unable
to understand the forms of my vanity
or I am hard alee with my Polish rudder
in my hand and the sun sinking. To
you I offer my hull and the tattered cordage
of my will. The terrible channels where
the wind drives me against the brown lips
of the reeds are not all behind me. Yet
I trust the sanity of my vessel; and
if it sinks, it may well be in answer
to the reasoning of the eternal voices,
the waves which have kept me from reaching you.
-Frank O'Hara
-------------------
-Ryan
Friday, June 26, 2015
lying through his teeth.
For the past few months, I've had a pair of men knock on my door wishing to speak with me about Jesus Christ. They're nice people.
The Mormon twins, I consider them.
They're young, maybe 19 or 20. Short blonde hair, cut by a woman in a kitchen. They were wearing white dress t-shirts and ties that I'm convinced are clip-ons. I assume their backpacks are just filled with more books and pamphlets. Maybe sandwiches for lunch.
So today they knocked on my door again, Book of Mormon in hand. They caught me off guard. The last time they were standing at my door I convinced them I was on my way out, apologized, then un-paused my video game. But this time I was eating lunch watching TV, and had no excuse readily available. I was caught with my pants down. Not literally, but that would been a decent way out of that.
So they invited themselves in the only way they know how; by kindly forcing you to.
They spoke to me about Jesus Christ, and the impact he had on their lives. They brought up their church, and the Book of Mormon.
Then came the inevitable.
--------------
"So are you very religious at all?"
--------------
Now my momma taught me well. I have a rehearsed answer I've used my whole life when asked this question. I guarantee every atheist has an answer they use whenever this happens. A smoke bomb, readily stored in the corner of their brain to be used at a moment's notice.
---------------
"....yes. I am."
---------------
I've lied to a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. Everybody has. Lying to them was something I felt necessary if I didn't want to devote the rest of my afternoon to have a conversation that would go nowhere. Plus how awkward is that? My atheism, to them, is a challenge. If not, it better be, for the sake of their jobs. They want to convince you to follow their path of righteousness, right? Finding an atheist is the ultimate challenge for them. Stepping up to the plate for what they'd believe to be God's ultimate test of their ability to convert the "misdirected". Leaving me alone could be easily understood as "giving up", and you don't want to anger the man upstairs, right?
So I lied. Made up a whole story about going to church my whole life. Don't worry, I made it believable. Told them I went all the time as a kid, but sort of stopped going in college. Didn't have time. But hey it's still important. I guess my parents were the religious ones. I mean, it's supposed to be but... you know... homework and all... and hey you know I try my best.
They smiled and nodded. Gave me a Book of Mormon. Invited me to their church. Asked for some water. Reminded me how life-changing Mormonism is. Left.
----------------
"Could I trouble you for a glass of water? It's a scorcher out here."
-Mad Men, Indian Summer
----------------
I think we have a knee-jerk reaction to associate lying with "being bad".
I've never thought lying in and of itself is wrong. I believe lying is wrong when used for personal gain, or for the degradation of another. But lying is the means to an ethical choice, and not the ends. Lying to benefit the greater good is possible. Lying for the sake of a clearly better outcome is possible. I lied to avoid a situation I believed would have the possibility of negative consequences for one or both of the parties. I lied to enter a situation I believe would end with a more positive environment. The opportunity for us all to move on with our lives, worry-free. Am I allowed to make this choice?
Growing up my family was not religious. My brothers and I had a perspective of religion very few have: from the outside. Without the conditioning church executes so effectively on children, my brothers and I saw religion for what it was, and there was no changing that. They're stories. Stories that make us feel better. Tell us that whatever we're doing is okay.
So... was that fair?
Lets look at what's fair.
Is it fair that I feel the need to lie to the face of strangers in my apartment?
Is it fair to them that I'm dishonest?
Is it fair that I'm bothered in the middle of the afternoon and asked to have a philosophical conversation?
Lets I spent the rest of my life going door to door asking people if they enjoy eating carrot cake. Ask them if they eat it. Tell them how much my life has changed since eating carrot cake. Give them a recipe I believe yields the perfect carrot cake.
So what's the discrepancy between these two scenarios? That carrot cake is trivial? That someone's opinion on cake has no lasting consequence on their live? After all, at the end of the day, who cares about carrot cake?
This is something many religious people don't understand about the atheist perspective.
Religion is carrot cake.
-Ryan
The Mormon twins, I consider them.
They're young, maybe 19 or 20. Short blonde hair, cut by a woman in a kitchen. They were wearing white dress t-shirts and ties that I'm convinced are clip-ons. I assume their backpacks are just filled with more books and pamphlets. Maybe sandwiches for lunch.
So today they knocked on my door again, Book of Mormon in hand. They caught me off guard. The last time they were standing at my door I convinced them I was on my way out, apologized, then un-paused my video game. But this time I was eating lunch watching TV, and had no excuse readily available. I was caught with my pants down. Not literally, but that would been a decent way out of that.
So they invited themselves in the only way they know how; by kindly forcing you to.
They spoke to me about Jesus Christ, and the impact he had on their lives. They brought up their church, and the Book of Mormon.
Then came the inevitable.
--------------
"So are you very religious at all?"
--------------
Now my momma taught me well. I have a rehearsed answer I've used my whole life when asked this question. I guarantee every atheist has an answer they use whenever this happens. A smoke bomb, readily stored in the corner of their brain to be used at a moment's notice.
---------------
"....yes. I am."
---------------
I've lied to a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. Everybody has. Lying to them was something I felt necessary if I didn't want to devote the rest of my afternoon to have a conversation that would go nowhere. Plus how awkward is that? My atheism, to them, is a challenge. If not, it better be, for the sake of their jobs. They want to convince you to follow their path of righteousness, right? Finding an atheist is the ultimate challenge for them. Stepping up to the plate for what they'd believe to be God's ultimate test of their ability to convert the "misdirected". Leaving me alone could be easily understood as "giving up", and you don't want to anger the man upstairs, right?
So I lied. Made up a whole story about going to church my whole life. Don't worry, I made it believable. Told them I went all the time as a kid, but sort of stopped going in college. Didn't have time. But hey it's still important. I guess my parents were the religious ones. I mean, it's supposed to be but... you know... homework and all... and hey you know I try my best.
They smiled and nodded. Gave me a Book of Mormon. Invited me to their church. Asked for some water. Reminded me how life-changing Mormonism is. Left.
----------------
"Could I trouble you for a glass of water? It's a scorcher out here."
-Mad Men, Indian Summer
----------------
I think we have a knee-jerk reaction to associate lying with "being bad".
I've never thought lying in and of itself is wrong. I believe lying is wrong when used for personal gain, or for the degradation of another. But lying is the means to an ethical choice, and not the ends. Lying to benefit the greater good is possible. Lying for the sake of a clearly better outcome is possible. I lied to avoid a situation I believed would have the possibility of negative consequences for one or both of the parties. I lied to enter a situation I believe would end with a more positive environment. The opportunity for us all to move on with our lives, worry-free. Am I allowed to make this choice?
Growing up my family was not religious. My brothers and I had a perspective of religion very few have: from the outside. Without the conditioning church executes so effectively on children, my brothers and I saw religion for what it was, and there was no changing that. They're stories. Stories that make us feel better. Tell us that whatever we're doing is okay.
So... was that fair?
Lets look at what's fair.
Is it fair that I feel the need to lie to the face of strangers in my apartment?
Is it fair to them that I'm dishonest?
Is it fair that I'm bothered in the middle of the afternoon and asked to have a philosophical conversation?
Lets I spent the rest of my life going door to door asking people if they enjoy eating carrot cake. Ask them if they eat it. Tell them how much my life has changed since eating carrot cake. Give them a recipe I believe yields the perfect carrot cake.
So what's the discrepancy between these two scenarios? That carrot cake is trivial? That someone's opinion on cake has no lasting consequence on their live? After all, at the end of the day, who cares about carrot cake?
This is something many religious people don't understand about the atheist perspective.
Religion is carrot cake.
-Ryan
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Opinion: We Need To Do Better.
I recently came across an article written by a medical student regarding her depression. In her article, Lindsey describes her own struggles, along with a growing relationship between medical students and depression. If you haven't, give it a read.
She detailed her depressive symptoms in the article: the usual suspects. After a conversation with her parents, her next step was to begin taking an SSRI. The medication seemed to help, and eventually allowed her to gain some structure and control back in her life. Her story ends on a high note, but sheds some light into depression's presence in medical students.
So lets talk about depression for a second.
Depression is the Justin Bieber of the mental illnesses. It gets the most attention, and subsequently the most turned cheeks. So many people think they know and understand it, so our society is quick to form biased, universal opinions about it.
Unfortunately, we oftentimes don't see depression in those suffering until we wish we had. Thus is the nature of the disease.
But this blog post isn't about society's view of depression. That's an easy target. Obviously, our society lacks insight into mental illness. Obviously, we need to fund agencies that promote awareness. Obviously, we need to encourage everyone suffering to speak up and find help. These are all important, and worthy of mentioning.
But I wanted to bring up a different point, and something few people are talking about.
In Lindsey's story, something interesting stuck out to me. She realized she was depressed, and did something about it. So she began medication.
What about therapy?
Turns out, it was a simple matter of time management. She's a medical student. Books to read. PowerPoint slides to stare at. Cadavers to pretend like they aren't freaking you out. People with barely enough time to fix themselves a PB&J certainly wont have time in their week to sit in a room and talk.
But this isn't a problem specific to medical students. As a children's case manager and therapist in training, I had countless clients leave due to time and money constraints.
"Sorry Ryan, I just can't afford the gas to drive my son to therapy every week."
"Sorry Ryan, I need to work more hours to keep my job, so I can't see you as much"
"Sorry Ryan, it's been a few months and nothing has happened. I think I'll just do the meds."
People just don't have time for therapy. If so many people in therapy are unable to find time for it, it's clear there are a vast number of people that are not in therapy that are unable to find time for it.
The only time this wasn't an issue with my clients? When I worked in a jail. My client had to be literally and lawfully detained for me to have a caseload of clients that were able to make it to every session.
Sure we can blame this on the bad job market. People have 9 to 5's. families to support. It makes sense that mental health would take a backseat when you're trying to get food on the table for your daughter that, oh my god, is totally going to need braces next year, and I need to make those cupcakes for her bake sale, and I can't forget that her soccer team needs that due paid by tomorrow and...
...hey. no wonder you're so stressed.
But for the sake of argument, lets pretend that excuse is just a rationalization made by those in the mental health field. and lets do something about it.
People needing therapy don't have time for it. Okay. How about instead of shrugging our shoulders we start asking ourselves what we can do.
How can we fix the inherent impracticality of therapy?
We should be looking into what keeps people in therapy and what doesn't. We should find ways to minimize the time it takes to see results, and maximize the effectiveness of therapeutic interventions. Fight insurance companies to allow clients more time in therapy. Explore new therapeutic methods that go beyond our offices. Create new techniques that can be utilized in a communal sense, rather than an individual one. Make what we do accessible.
It's not like we don't have enough mental health professionals. In fact it's the opposite. We have too many.
This field needs to spend more resources on finding ways to reach those in need. Finding the most effective form of therapy is important, but so is finding the best way to offer whatever therapy that is. It doesn't matter if you've invented a form of therapy that works 99% of the time if it's only going to be used on 1% of those that need it.
The demand is clearly there. It's our supply that's lacking. As therapists we are selling a product that is in desperate need of a Don Draper.
Lindsey's willingness to discuss her depression is a minority, when it shouldn't be. For our society to truly shift its perceptions of mental illness, we need to first establish an environment where those suffering from mental illness are willing to speak up. But at the same time, mental health professionals need to recognize that we are simply not helping enough people.
We can't expect society to trust us until we learn to do our jobs better.
Maybe then, I wouldn't have to spend my birthday at a funeral.
-Ryan
She detailed her depressive symptoms in the article: the usual suspects. After a conversation with her parents, her next step was to begin taking an SSRI. The medication seemed to help, and eventually allowed her to gain some structure and control back in her life. Her story ends on a high note, but sheds some light into depression's presence in medical students.
So lets talk about depression for a second.
Depression is the Justin Bieber of the mental illnesses. It gets the most attention, and subsequently the most turned cheeks. So many people think they know and understand it, so our society is quick to form biased, universal opinions about it.
Unfortunately, we oftentimes don't see depression in those suffering until we wish we had. Thus is the nature of the disease.
But this blog post isn't about society's view of depression. That's an easy target. Obviously, our society lacks insight into mental illness. Obviously, we need to fund agencies that promote awareness. Obviously, we need to encourage everyone suffering to speak up and find help. These are all important, and worthy of mentioning.
But I wanted to bring up a different point, and something few people are talking about.
In Lindsey's story, something interesting stuck out to me. She realized she was depressed, and did something about it. So she began medication.
What about therapy?
Turns out, it was a simple matter of time management. She's a medical student. Books to read. PowerPoint slides to stare at. Cadavers to pretend like they aren't freaking you out. People with barely enough time to fix themselves a PB&J certainly wont have time in their week to sit in a room and talk.
But this isn't a problem specific to medical students. As a children's case manager and therapist in training, I had countless clients leave due to time and money constraints.
"Sorry Ryan, I just can't afford the gas to drive my son to therapy every week."
"Sorry Ryan, I need to work more hours to keep my job, so I can't see you as much"
"Sorry Ryan, it's been a few months and nothing has happened. I think I'll just do the meds."
People just don't have time for therapy. If so many people in therapy are unable to find time for it, it's clear there are a vast number of people that are not in therapy that are unable to find time for it.
The only time this wasn't an issue with my clients? When I worked in a jail. My client had to be literally and lawfully detained for me to have a caseload of clients that were able to make it to every session.
Sure we can blame this on the bad job market. People have 9 to 5's. families to support. It makes sense that mental health would take a backseat when you're trying to get food on the table for your daughter that, oh my god, is totally going to need braces next year, and I need to make those cupcakes for her bake sale, and I can't forget that her soccer team needs that due paid by tomorrow and...
...hey. no wonder you're so stressed.
But for the sake of argument, lets pretend that excuse is just a rationalization made by those in the mental health field. and lets do something about it.
People needing therapy don't have time for it. Okay. How about instead of shrugging our shoulders we start asking ourselves what we can do.
How can we fix the inherent impracticality of therapy?
We should be looking into what keeps people in therapy and what doesn't. We should find ways to minimize the time it takes to see results, and maximize the effectiveness of therapeutic interventions. Fight insurance companies to allow clients more time in therapy. Explore new therapeutic methods that go beyond our offices. Create new techniques that can be utilized in a communal sense, rather than an individual one. Make what we do accessible.
It's not like we don't have enough mental health professionals. In fact it's the opposite. We have too many.
This field needs to spend more resources on finding ways to reach those in need. Finding the most effective form of therapy is important, but so is finding the best way to offer whatever therapy that is. It doesn't matter if you've invented a form of therapy that works 99% of the time if it's only going to be used on 1% of those that need it.
The demand is clearly there. It's our supply that's lacking. As therapists we are selling a product that is in desperate need of a Don Draper.
Lindsey's willingness to discuss her depression is a minority, when it shouldn't be. For our society to truly shift its perceptions of mental illness, we need to first establish an environment where those suffering from mental illness are willing to speak up. But at the same time, mental health professionals need to recognize that we are simply not helping enough people.
We can't expect society to trust us until we learn to do our jobs better.
Maybe then, I wouldn't have to spend my birthday at a funeral.
-Ryan
Monday, June 22, 2015
leaving home.
I'm moving to California.
-------------------
"Home is where I want to be, but I guess I'm already there."
-------------------
-Ryan
Monday, June 8, 2015
clearly a big fan of Mad Men.
I've taken a break from writing shorts, and have spent most of my time devoted to two TV pilots. Screencraft is accepting TV pilots for consideration this month, and my plan is to submit both of them by the deadline.
TV pilots are alien to me. They have a heavy focus on character development, something you commonly don't rely on with shorts. Shorts are about telling a compelling story in as quick of time frame as possible. I've struggled to keep myself from doing this.
One pilot is an adaptation of a feature I wrote about two years ago. I knew when I wrote it then, the concept was more of an established universe than anything else. It took some convincing from my friend Yvonne Saenz to turn it into a TV season.
The other pilot is a lot more ambitious. A year ago, I placed 5th in a short screenplay competition with a 12 page screenplay about a family trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. I wanted to turn the short into a feature, but decided instead to attempt a re-write to turn the script into a spin-off of The Walking Dead franchise.
I am of the opinion that a writer's confidence can make or break their career.
Drake has this saying he uses in his songs, "in my feelings". He uses it to describe when he feels emotional, and believes that his actions and beliefs are being influenced by what he is feeling. I don't know why, but that always stuck with me. I consider it a lot while I'm writing.
I don't believe emotional writing is good writing when it comes to screenplays. I know that art typically benefits when it is derived from things like emotion. I'm not saying emotional stories are uninteresting. But, what's compelling to you may not be compelling to others. As a screenwriter, it's important to recognize when you've crossed the threshold between telling a compelling story, and telling a story you find compelling.
I see it a lot when I read other screenplays from amateur writers in /r/readmyscript. You feel the emotion the writer is clearly tapping. The break-up they're trying to get over. Car crash they have nightmares about. But that doesn't mean the reader is feeling a similar emotion. Even though emotions are the same to everyone, experiences are individual. Reliving your moments wont compel the reader. It's not their experience. But when you can tell a story that ignite those experiences...
---------------------
"The pain from an old wound"
----------------------
...the reader can feel their emotion.
----------------------
"It's a twinge in your heart. Far more powerful than memory alone."
----------------------
The best stories don't provide you with emotion, they make you tap into your own.
-Ryan
TV pilots are alien to me. They have a heavy focus on character development, something you commonly don't rely on with shorts. Shorts are about telling a compelling story in as quick of time frame as possible. I've struggled to keep myself from doing this.
One pilot is an adaptation of a feature I wrote about two years ago. I knew when I wrote it then, the concept was more of an established universe than anything else. It took some convincing from my friend Yvonne Saenz to turn it into a TV season.
The other pilot is a lot more ambitious. A year ago, I placed 5th in a short screenplay competition with a 12 page screenplay about a family trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. I wanted to turn the short into a feature, but decided instead to attempt a re-write to turn the script into a spin-off of The Walking Dead franchise.
I am of the opinion that a writer's confidence can make or break their career.
Drake has this saying he uses in his songs, "in my feelings". He uses it to describe when he feels emotional, and believes that his actions and beliefs are being influenced by what he is feeling. I don't know why, but that always stuck with me. I consider it a lot while I'm writing.
I don't believe emotional writing is good writing when it comes to screenplays. I know that art typically benefits when it is derived from things like emotion. I'm not saying emotional stories are uninteresting. But, what's compelling to you may not be compelling to others. As a screenwriter, it's important to recognize when you've crossed the threshold between telling a compelling story, and telling a story you find compelling.
I see it a lot when I read other screenplays from amateur writers in /r/readmyscript. You feel the emotion the writer is clearly tapping. The break-up they're trying to get over. Car crash they have nightmares about. But that doesn't mean the reader is feeling a similar emotion. Even though emotions are the same to everyone, experiences are individual. Reliving your moments wont compel the reader. It's not their experience. But when you can tell a story that ignite those experiences...
---------------------
"The pain from an old wound"
----------------------
...the reader can feel their emotion.
----------------------
"It's a twinge in your heart. Far more powerful than memory alone."
----------------------
The best stories don't provide you with emotion, they make you tap into your own.
-Ryan
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
opinion on The Walking Dead
Over the course of several years, I have spent a lot of time learning about story writing, screenwriting, and what it means to tell a good story. Because of this, I like to think I have a somewhat reliable opinion when it comes to that sort of thing.
Now...
I rarely share my blog on Facebook, but this post reflected an opinion I believe would benefit from being shared to others.
So here it is.
The Walking Dead TV show is an accurate reflection of what is wrong with modern storytelling.
First, let me say I am a HUGE fan of The Walking Dead. If you don't think so, I encourage you to read my most recent blog post about how I fell in love with the graphic novel. And I would also encourage anyone to read it (or play the video game by TellTale).
It's not like the show is lacking available content. The writers of the show literally have pages of interesting story arcs at their disposal. But they're pigeonholed by AMC to write content that makes the most money, not tell the best story. In a world where quality storytelling should be the variable that's maximized, money is.
The graphic novel is thick and dense with story arcs and character development. Constantly moving from environment to environment, characters growing and changing from each experience. By the time you settle into a place of comfort with each character, Robert Kirkman rips you out, tells you everything sucks, and forces you to get comfortable again. He wants you to stay on your toes, totally oblivious to what's going to happen next. Exactly how the characters feel in the story.
The show doesn't do this at all. It refuses to flush out the characters in the book, insisting on keeping characters two-dimensional for the sake of plot devices. It skips out key points in the book that are too expensive, or run the risk of being too inappropriate for the average viewer.
Below are 3 examples:
1. The Farm
In The Walking Dead TV show, the cast is on a farm for the entirety of season 2. In the book, they are only on the farm from issues 10 to 12 (of a currently published 150). They leave the farm almost as soon as they get on it.
Why? Because the farm is boring. And Robert Kirkman knew that. The farm is the kind of place a story teller does NOT want their characters. No drama to drive the story. No reasons for characters to interact.
So why did they stay on the farm in the show? To save money. AMC gave the second season production such a small budget that the writers were forced to cut every corner, and couldn't afford to shoot anywhere besides a farm.
2. The relationship between Michonne and The Governor.
In the show, Michonne hides in the Governor's room, and gets into a squabble with him that results in the Governor losing an eye. (it's never really explained why she felt the need to go there in the first place).
In the graphic novel? Oh man. (graphic novel prison arc spoilers next paragraph!)
After getting imprisoned, raped, and tortured by the Governor, Michonne escapes and, instead of running away, patiently waits in the Governor's room. She proceeds to torture him in disgusting fashion. Scooping out his eyeball with a spoon, sawing off his entire arm, ripping out fingernails one at a time. You name it.
And I loved it. Because this scene is a perfect representation of how the women in this universe behave: like everyone else. Everything Michonne and Andrea do in the graphic novel is entirely dependent on their character, and never their gender. Their characters could be replaced with men and do everything the same, and you couldn't tell the difference. To me, that's an impressive quality that the graphic novel possesses, and something the show completely missed.
Speaking of...
3. Andrea
Andrea in the graphic novel is unrecognizable to the Andrea in the show. A cool-headed, powerful leader of a community, She struggles through pain, loss, and a nasty scar on her face.
The show turned Andrea into a love interest to the Governor. Why? Because the show didn't have one. The show wasn't filling the "cute girls in underwear whining about boy trouble" quota AMC was forcing on the show to maximize viewership. At the time, season 3 was not peaking in views like the previous season, and needed a way to attract more males. This resulted in Andrea's character getting boiled down to scenes of her naked under covers, and complaining about her struggling relationships. AMC was aware of the character Andrea becomes, and sacrificed her so that more people will tune in.
To the show's credit, they did a decent job establishing Glenn and Maggie's relationship, and had the first Asian/White kiss ever on television. They also did a a decent job with Aaron and Eric's relationship, not turning them into just "the gay couple" that the audience giggles at.
As the consumers of their product, we need to demand more. When AMC bought The Walking Dead they had an opportunity to either make money, or tell a compelling story. Why aren't we as viewers, the ones screwed by their decision, angry about this? Why are we settling for mediocre storytelling?
Maybe it's just that not many people have read the graphic novel in comparison to the show. I think to better understand the faults in the TV show, you need to read the book or play the Telltale game. But I think there's a deeper issue here that comes to light. The show falls flat, and the blame should clearly fall onto AMC. But why is no one talking about this?
Why did The Talking Dead spend a month promoting the terrible Activision Walking Dead: Survival Instict game, and never even mentioned the TellTale game winning game of the year? Why are we joking about riots if Daryl dies, but not blinking an eye at the horrible Hyundai Tucson placements?
I think awareness is key, and I hope more people recognize the flaws.
For more information, I encourage you to watch the 4 part YMS video review of The Walking Dead. It discusses a lot of things I didn't have the time for in this blog.
Thanks for reading.
-Ryan
Now...
I rarely share my blog on Facebook, but this post reflected an opinion I believe would benefit from being shared to others.
So here it is.
The Walking Dead TV show is an accurate reflection of what is wrong with modern storytelling.
First, let me say I am a HUGE fan of The Walking Dead. If you don't think so, I encourage you to read my most recent blog post about how I fell in love with the graphic novel. And I would also encourage anyone to read it (or play the video game by TellTale).
It's not like the show is lacking available content. The writers of the show literally have pages of interesting story arcs at their disposal. But they're pigeonholed by AMC to write content that makes the most money, not tell the best story. In a world where quality storytelling should be the variable that's maximized, money is.
The graphic novel is thick and dense with story arcs and character development. Constantly moving from environment to environment, characters growing and changing from each experience. By the time you settle into a place of comfort with each character, Robert Kirkman rips you out, tells you everything sucks, and forces you to get comfortable again. He wants you to stay on your toes, totally oblivious to what's going to happen next. Exactly how the characters feel in the story.
The show doesn't do this at all. It refuses to flush out the characters in the book, insisting on keeping characters two-dimensional for the sake of plot devices. It skips out key points in the book that are too expensive, or run the risk of being too inappropriate for the average viewer.
Below are 3 examples:
1. The Farm
In The Walking Dead TV show, the cast is on a farm for the entirety of season 2. In the book, they are only on the farm from issues 10 to 12 (of a currently published 150). They leave the farm almost as soon as they get on it.
Why? Because the farm is boring. And Robert Kirkman knew that. The farm is the kind of place a story teller does NOT want their characters. No drama to drive the story. No reasons for characters to interact.
So why did they stay on the farm in the show? To save money. AMC gave the second season production such a small budget that the writers were forced to cut every corner, and couldn't afford to shoot anywhere besides a farm.
2. The relationship between Michonne and The Governor.
In the show, Michonne hides in the Governor's room, and gets into a squabble with him that results in the Governor losing an eye. (it's never really explained why she felt the need to go there in the first place).
In the graphic novel? Oh man. (graphic novel prison arc spoilers next paragraph!)
After getting imprisoned, raped, and tortured by the Governor, Michonne escapes and, instead of running away, patiently waits in the Governor's room. She proceeds to torture him in disgusting fashion. Scooping out his eyeball with a spoon, sawing off his entire arm, ripping out fingernails one at a time. You name it.
And I loved it. Because this scene is a perfect representation of how the women in this universe behave: like everyone else. Everything Michonne and Andrea do in the graphic novel is entirely dependent on their character, and never their gender. Their characters could be replaced with men and do everything the same, and you couldn't tell the difference. To me, that's an impressive quality that the graphic novel possesses, and something the show completely missed.
Speaking of...
3. Andrea
Andrea in the graphic novel is unrecognizable to the Andrea in the show. A cool-headed, powerful leader of a community, She struggles through pain, loss, and a nasty scar on her face.
The show turned Andrea into a love interest to the Governor. Why? Because the show didn't have one. The show wasn't filling the "cute girls in underwear whining about boy trouble" quota AMC was forcing on the show to maximize viewership. At the time, season 3 was not peaking in views like the previous season, and needed a way to attract more males. This resulted in Andrea's character getting boiled down to scenes of her naked under covers, and complaining about her struggling relationships. AMC was aware of the character Andrea becomes, and sacrificed her so that more people will tune in.
To the show's credit, they did a decent job establishing Glenn and Maggie's relationship, and had the first Asian/White kiss ever on television. They also did a a decent job with Aaron and Eric's relationship, not turning them into just "the gay couple" that the audience giggles at.
As the consumers of their product, we need to demand more. When AMC bought The Walking Dead they had an opportunity to either make money, or tell a compelling story. Why aren't we as viewers, the ones screwed by their decision, angry about this? Why are we settling for mediocre storytelling?
Maybe it's just that not many people have read the graphic novel in comparison to the show. I think to better understand the faults in the TV show, you need to read the book or play the Telltale game. But I think there's a deeper issue here that comes to light. The show falls flat, and the blame should clearly fall onto AMC. But why is no one talking about this?
Why did The Talking Dead spend a month promoting the terrible Activision Walking Dead: Survival Instict game, and never even mentioned the TellTale game winning game of the year? Why are we joking about riots if Daryl dies, but not blinking an eye at the horrible Hyundai Tucson placements?
I think awareness is key, and I hope more people recognize the flaws.
For more information, I encourage you to watch the 4 part YMS video review of The Walking Dead. It discusses a lot of things I didn't have the time for in this blog.
Thanks for reading.
-Ryan
a big fan of The Walking Dead
I'm a huge fan of The Walking Dead. I have been for a very long time. I started reading the graphic novels back in 2008. Jose Artiaga, a friend that lived in my scholarship hall with me, decided that our bathrooms needed reading material and stacked all of the books in a stall one day.
The best way for me to tell you how much I loved the graphic novel is with a confession. I hate reading. The act of reading has always been boring. I was never stimulated by the words. I spark-noted every single book in my high school and college career (If you're reading this, apologies to Ms. Cigler and Dr. Klayder).
But I was hooked on The Walking Dead. I binge read the entire prison story line in one night. I loved everything about it. Constantly pressured Jose to buy the newest compendiums. Scavenged the internet for any information on more material.
Obviously, I was excited when I learned that there were rumors of The Walking Dead being turned into a movie. I was even more excited when I learned that Frank Darabont would be directing that movie. I was apathetic when I learned that AMC had bought exclusive rights to the movie, and turned it into a 6 episode season. But nonetheless, it premiered on October 31 2010, and became one of the biggest cable TV shows ever.
And hey, Season 1 was pretty good. Not great, but for the budget, it was a good start.
For 2 years I was in love with this story line so few people knew about. And overnight,, the whole world just... knew about it. It lost it's significance. But hey, whatever. I got what I wanted!
But then Season 2 was announced. And AMC refused to give Frank Darabont a bigger budget (even though the show single-handedly saved the network). Then AMC fired Frank Darabont after he complained, and replaced him with Glen Mazzara, a terrible director. Then the show became terrible.
It reminds me of the second episode of Black Mirror, 15 Million Credits. This young, talented woman tries to sing to the world, and instead is forced to slab on make-up and is objectified by the world for profit. To me, and to many other graphic novel readers, it pains us to see what happened to The Walking Dead. This amazing story was picked from obscurity, and it's talents are completely wasted, only to be used to promote a network for money, and sell Hyundai Tucsons.
And with popularity comes the double-edged sword. Suddenly everyone had an opinion on The Walking Dead. Some loved it for the wrong reasons. Some called it over-rated for the right reasons. But it pained me to see something I cherished so much become this.
Thankfully, there are alternatives. TellTale Games made an interactive video game set in The Walking Dead universe that is absolutely superb. Both seasons of the game are incredible, and I recommend anyone to check them out. Nothing that the TV show does wrong (and everything that the graphic novel does right) is in this game.
For more information, I highly recommend the YMS review of The Walking Dead. YMS (short for Your Movie Sucks) is a movie and television reviewer, and I personally think he does an excellent, albeit vulgar, job reviewing things. He has a 4-part video review of season 1 and 2 of The Walking Dead, and talks about how overrated the show is. Despite being a fan of the show, I agree with nearly all of his points. I also appreciate that he takes the time to discuss the issues with the show beyond the content, criticizing AMC for their shady, under-the-table dealings that got Frank Darabont fired. He even accuses AMC of actions that could lead to a possible lawsuit, and suspiciously after this review was uploaded, Frank Darabont's lawyer announced that he was suing AMC for damages. Go Frank.
The best way for me to tell you how much I loved the graphic novel is with a confession. I hate reading. The act of reading has always been boring. I was never stimulated by the words. I spark-noted every single book in my high school and college career (If you're reading this, apologies to Ms. Cigler and Dr. Klayder).
But I was hooked on The Walking Dead. I binge read the entire prison story line in one night. I loved everything about it. Constantly pressured Jose to buy the newest compendiums. Scavenged the internet for any information on more material.
Obviously, I was excited when I learned that there were rumors of The Walking Dead being turned into a movie. I was even more excited when I learned that Frank Darabont would be directing that movie. I was apathetic when I learned that AMC had bought exclusive rights to the movie, and turned it into a 6 episode season. But nonetheless, it premiered on October 31 2010, and became one of the biggest cable TV shows ever.
And hey, Season 1 was pretty good. Not great, but for the budget, it was a good start.
For 2 years I was in love with this story line so few people knew about. And overnight,, the whole world just... knew about it. It lost it's significance. But hey, whatever. I got what I wanted!
But then Season 2 was announced. And AMC refused to give Frank Darabont a bigger budget (even though the show single-handedly saved the network). Then AMC fired Frank Darabont after he complained, and replaced him with Glen Mazzara, a terrible director. Then the show became terrible.
It reminds me of the second episode of Black Mirror, 15 Million Credits. This young, talented woman tries to sing to the world, and instead is forced to slab on make-up and is objectified by the world for profit. To me, and to many other graphic novel readers, it pains us to see what happened to The Walking Dead. This amazing story was picked from obscurity, and it's talents are completely wasted, only to be used to promote a network for money, and sell Hyundai Tucsons.
And with popularity comes the double-edged sword. Suddenly everyone had an opinion on The Walking Dead. Some loved it for the wrong reasons. Some called it over-rated for the right reasons. But it pained me to see something I cherished so much become this.
Thankfully, there are alternatives. TellTale Games made an interactive video game set in The Walking Dead universe that is absolutely superb. Both seasons of the game are incredible, and I recommend anyone to check them out. Nothing that the TV show does wrong (and everything that the graphic novel does right) is in this game.
For more information, I highly recommend the YMS review of The Walking Dead. YMS (short for Your Movie Sucks) is a movie and television reviewer, and I personally think he does an excellent, albeit vulgar, job reviewing things. He has a 4-part video review of season 1 and 2 of The Walking Dead, and talks about how overrated the show is. Despite being a fan of the show, I agree with nearly all of his points. I also appreciate that he takes the time to discuss the issues with the show beyond the content, criticizing AMC for their shady, under-the-table dealings that got Frank Darabont fired. He even accuses AMC of actions that could lead to a possible lawsuit, and suspiciously after this review was uploaded, Frank Darabont's lawyer announced that he was suing AMC for damages. Go Frank.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
definition of quiet.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, and an old, Indian couple are sitting at my table.
And they are sitting in complete silence. They're both looking out into the distance, thinking about things. They haven't said a single thing to each other in probably 10 minutes. It's weird.
I mean they're sitting right next to each other, which usually prompts social pressure to have some sort of conversation. I mean it would for me, and I doubt that's a cultural thing.
Maybe they enjoy the silence. And I don't mean quietness. It's a coffee shop, there's plenty of noise. There's a barista grinding coffee. A little girl talking loudly about how her face paint makes her look like a cheetah. A college aged couple is doing that weird thing where they have a conversation they know needs to be comprised of only small talk because they're standing waiting for their coffee, and they know in the back of their minds anything they say is just pre-conversation before the real one when they sit down with their drinks.
But I think that's why I love writing in coffee shops. They're filled with people doing things.
People walking around me. Coffee cups getting coffee poured into them. Old, Indian couples quietly experiencing Starbucks' atmosphere. These things, to me, are quiet.
Actual quietness is distracting. It feels empty. Like there's supposed to be something there, and it's absence is felt by everything around me.
-Ryan
And they are sitting in complete silence. They're both looking out into the distance, thinking about things. They haven't said a single thing to each other in probably 10 minutes. It's weird.
I mean they're sitting right next to each other, which usually prompts social pressure to have some sort of conversation. I mean it would for me, and I doubt that's a cultural thing.
Maybe they enjoy the silence. And I don't mean quietness. It's a coffee shop, there's plenty of noise. There's a barista grinding coffee. A little girl talking loudly about how her face paint makes her look like a cheetah. A college aged couple is doing that weird thing where they have a conversation they know needs to be comprised of only small talk because they're standing waiting for their coffee, and they know in the back of their minds anything they say is just pre-conversation before the real one when they sit down with their drinks.
But I think that's why I love writing in coffee shops. They're filled with people doing things.
People walking around me. Coffee cups getting coffee poured into them. Old, Indian couples quietly experiencing Starbucks' atmosphere. These things, to me, are quiet.
Actual quietness is distracting. It feels empty. Like there's supposed to be something there, and it's absence is felt by everything around me.
-Ryan
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
headphones look like earmuffs.
Writing conversations is easy.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
On paper, script writing is comprised of two things: talking and action.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
No complexity. No linguistic acrobats. Just conversations and actions.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
But there's a flow to it.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
A rhythm.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
A cadence that flows in the script.
-------------------
"King Kunta"
------------------
The beauty of screenwriting is found entirely within the script. What story is the story really telling? What story does this story remind you of?
------------------
"Oh yeah!"
------------------
-Ryan
Friday, May 1, 2015
writing that down for later.
I woke up this morning to some good news. I am a quarter finalist for the 2015 Screencraft Short Screenplay Competition. I don't really know what that means, but I'm assuming it's a good thing.
Scripts for this year's NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Competition are due tonight at midnight. The assignments were given out last Friday, and we had 1 week to write a 12 page script. My heat had the following:
Genre: Suspense
Item: A Missing Library Book
Character: An 8-year-old boy or girl
Your script has to include these three things, and in meaningful ways.
This was definitely one of the harder competitions I have been in. It took me about 5 days to come up with an idea for a decent script. 1 day to write, 1 day for re-writes, and I think I've ended with something decent. It wasn't the genre that was difficult. My most recent Suspense script was produced by a production company out in LA. That was only a 5 page script, but it helped me understand the nature of these films.
Apart from that, I have 3 other scripts being produced by production companies, and a TV pilot that I'm submitting for review.
Hey, and I'm graduating or something in like 2 weeks. With a monster in Cancelling Psychiatry. I think that's right.
--------------------
"Sorry. Sometimes I don't fit in booths"
-------------------
-Ryan
Scripts for this year's NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Competition are due tonight at midnight. The assignments were given out last Friday, and we had 1 week to write a 12 page script. My heat had the following:
Genre: Suspense
Item: A Missing Library Book
Character: An 8-year-old boy or girl
Your script has to include these three things, and in meaningful ways.
This was definitely one of the harder competitions I have been in. It took me about 5 days to come up with an idea for a decent script. 1 day to write, 1 day for re-writes, and I think I've ended with something decent. It wasn't the genre that was difficult. My most recent Suspense script was produced by a production company out in LA. That was only a 5 page script, but it helped me understand the nature of these films.
Apart from that, I have 3 other scripts being produced by production companies, and a TV pilot that I'm submitting for review.
Hey, and I'm graduating or something in like 2 weeks. With a monster in Cancelling Psychiatry. I think that's right.
--------------------
"Sorry. Sometimes I don't fit in booths"
-------------------
-Ryan
Friday, April 24, 2015
Alive!
I work with drug addicts. This is my opinion on addiction.
To understand addiction, you must first understand the psychology of addiction. Some people can have alcohol without getting addicted. Some people can gamble without getting addicted. These people can’t be called addicts, since the behaviors don’t impair their health or damage their lives. But there are individuals that are unable to do these things without getting addicted to the point that their lives are damaged.
So we need to make a clear distinction between the use of substances and the addiction to substances. Because of this, the behavior the addict is addicted to does little to determine treatment. No matter what they are addicted to, the addict is getting a boost in dopamine from an outside source.
Several years ago, an addiction specialist counselor spoke at a conference regarding addiction therapy. He explained that he asks his clients what positives they gain from their addiction. When asked why they participate in their addictive behaviors, addicts typically answer that their drug of choice gives them peace. They explain that it relieved pain, made them feel connected, or made them feel more confident. The addiction counselor explained that addicts use their drug of choice to feel human. They strive for qualities we should already have. So the question becomes, “what’s keeping them from having these qualities in their lives to begin with?”
As a clinician, it is important to remember that the addiction is not the problem. Instead, the addiction is the addict’s attempt to solve a problem.
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"that's really what you want in life. You want to feel connected. Want to feel relevant. Want to feel like... a participant in the going-on's of activities and events around you. That's precisely what we are just by being alive."
-Neil deGrasse Tyson
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Maybe we all just want to feel alive. But it's hard to understand what that entails.
-Ryan
To understand addiction, you must first understand the psychology of addiction. Some people can have alcohol without getting addicted. Some people can gamble without getting addicted. These people can’t be called addicts, since the behaviors don’t impair their health or damage their lives. But there are individuals that are unable to do these things without getting addicted to the point that their lives are damaged.
So we need to make a clear distinction between the use of substances and the addiction to substances. Because of this, the behavior the addict is addicted to does little to determine treatment. No matter what they are addicted to, the addict is getting a boost in dopamine from an outside source.
Several years ago, an addiction specialist counselor spoke at a conference regarding addiction therapy. He explained that he asks his clients what positives they gain from their addiction. When asked why they participate in their addictive behaviors, addicts typically answer that their drug of choice gives them peace. They explain that it relieved pain, made them feel connected, or made them feel more confident. The addiction counselor explained that addicts use their drug of choice to feel human. They strive for qualities we should already have. So the question becomes, “what’s keeping them from having these qualities in their lives to begin with?”
As a clinician, it is important to remember that the addiction is not the problem. Instead, the addiction is the addict’s attempt to solve a problem.
-------------------------
"that's really what you want in life. You want to feel connected. Want to feel relevant. Want to feel like... a participant in the going-on's of activities and events around you. That's precisely what we are just by being alive."
-Neil deGrasse Tyson
------------------------
Maybe we all just want to feel alive. But it's hard to understand what that entails.
-Ryan
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Flying!
Over time, we as a society have filled the negative spaces around us with things. Open areas become blocks, to be used. We pay money to own these blocks, and find ways to make money from our blocks.
I think it would be really cool to fly, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. I don't want to metaphorically fly away from anything. I just think it would be really fun to fly. To escape the blocks.
I can't remember his name, but there was a psychologist that hypothesized that our interest in swimming comes from our desire to fly. Swimming is the closest we can get to flying. Moving horizontally, free from our own weight. Moving through the world, rather than on top of it.
The best I can do is to hope my lifetime will see the technology that allows us to fly.
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"When I say I want the moon, I want the moon"
-"Wee Small Hours", Mad Men
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I also want the technology to climb up a building. Besides being a lot of fun, it'd be a decent work out. What was the name of that super hero that climbed on buildings? I think he had webs coming out of his wrists or something.
Dr. Spider. That's it.
-Ryan
I think it would be really cool to fly, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. I don't want to metaphorically fly away from anything. I just think it would be really fun to fly. To escape the blocks.
I can't remember his name, but there was a psychologist that hypothesized that our interest in swimming comes from our desire to fly. Swimming is the closest we can get to flying. Moving horizontally, free from our own weight. Moving through the world, rather than on top of it.
The best I can do is to hope my lifetime will see the technology that allows us to fly.
--------------------
"When I say I want the moon, I want the moon"
-"Wee Small Hours", Mad Men
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I also want the technology to climb up a building. Besides being a lot of fun, it'd be a decent work out. What was the name of that super hero that climbed on buildings? I think he had webs coming out of his wrists or something.
Dr. Spider. That's it.
-Ryan
Saturday, April 4, 2015
having spaghetti for dinner tonight, probably.
It's been a long time, but I finally have a decent idea for a feature.
I usually don't write features. They're usually around 120 pages long, and I've never enjoyed the three act structure. I also get bored of the story quickly, and the skeleton structure of the story I begin working on ends up collecting dust in the bowels of my laptop before I write any meat on it.
But this one is decent. I like the idea. There's room to grow. There are important things worth talking about.
I want to buy a new laptop. My current one is fine, but it's cumbersome. It's hard to carry it around, especially to the coffee shop. Writing has become something I do on a nearly daily basis, and lugging around a laptop that doesn't even fit in my backpack is annoying. I want a small one. With a good keyboard. Compact. All I do is write on it. That'd be nice.
This is my last week at my practicum site. I'm happy to finally have more time to write, but I'd be lying if I said I'm going to forget my clients. They are all interesting human beings, needing help for very serious drug addictions. They all have interesting stories to tell, and I've enjoyed listening to them. I wonder if they'll remember me. I wonder if I've helped them; if I've changed their life for better.
I also wonder what I'll be having for dinner tonight.
At my practicum site, I see a lot of people that are suffering. I want them to get better, but I understand that everyone suffers in some way. Suffering is removed, only to eventually be replaced with more suffering. Therapy isn't about getting rid of someone's suffering. It's about teaching them how to deal with it.
I believe that's what therapy is.
Spaghetti probably.
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"But what is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness."
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I usually don't write features. They're usually around 120 pages long, and I've never enjoyed the three act structure. I also get bored of the story quickly, and the skeleton structure of the story I begin working on ends up collecting dust in the bowels of my laptop before I write any meat on it.
But this one is decent. I like the idea. There's room to grow. There are important things worth talking about.
I want to buy a new laptop. My current one is fine, but it's cumbersome. It's hard to carry it around, especially to the coffee shop. Writing has become something I do on a nearly daily basis, and lugging around a laptop that doesn't even fit in my backpack is annoying. I want a small one. With a good keyboard. Compact. All I do is write on it. That'd be nice.
This is my last week at my practicum site. I'm happy to finally have more time to write, but I'd be lying if I said I'm going to forget my clients. They are all interesting human beings, needing help for very serious drug addictions. They all have interesting stories to tell, and I've enjoyed listening to them. I wonder if they'll remember me. I wonder if I've helped them; if I've changed their life for better.
I also wonder what I'll be having for dinner tonight.
At my practicum site, I see a lot of people that are suffering. I want them to get better, but I understand that everyone suffers in some way. Suffering is removed, only to eventually be replaced with more suffering. Therapy isn't about getting rid of someone's suffering. It's about teaching them how to deal with it.
I believe that's what therapy is.
Spaghetti probably.
--------------------
"But what is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness."
--------------------
Friday, April 3, 2015
Untitled Blog Entry
I've never understood why people are mystified by the physical and mental benefits of meditation. I've always thought the benefits are apparent when you look at what meditation really is. Relaxing. Getting comfortable. Taking deep breathes. Lowering your heart rate. Closing your eyes. Focusing on a single thought. Positive mental images.
Doesn't it seem obvious that people would gain positive experiences when they do this?
So why is it that people treat meditation like a . Why do people connect meditation to extra-worldly experiences? To spirituality?
We already know that doing all of the things mentioned above would help treat anxiety, in any of its forms.
I think it stems from our inherent fear of science. More specifically, our wish that we can be fixed by things beyond our control. Every human in the world deals with problems, and more importantly, are aware that they will face problems in the future. Knowing that we have a safety net, this higher power that's watching over us, puts us at ease when thinking about these future problems. Humans can put more faith in things like meditation if we can convince ourselves it's associated with something higher than all of us. Something more complicated than anything we could understand, even if it means ignoring the obvious, sobering realities.
That's why we meditate. That's why we invented concepts like karma. That's one of the reasons why we invented God. That's one of the reasons why we have religion.
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"I'll meditate on it and get back to you."
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It's crazy to me how many people believe that we think in a language. It's scary to me how many people in my cohort believe this.
I don't understand how this is such a misconception. If we think in a language, what language do deaf people think in?
Explaining thoughts is extremely difficult. We don't think in a language. We don't think in images. The only way to summarize it is through this redundant sentence:
We think in thoughts.
Thoughts are abstract concepts. They are brain activities resulting from other brain activities.
Imagine a pink elephant.
What are you thinking?
Imagine swimming in a pool.
What are you thinking?
Now try and do this math problem in your head: 265-133=?
What are you thinking?
Consider the musician, on stage, improving a solo.
What is he/she thinking?
All of these are examples of an individual using cognitive thought. But they're not all using language. Thinking isn't constrained to just language.
Sheesh.
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"What does he know. Nothing, probably"
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The new Ben Howard album is really good.
I wrote a script that a lot of people liked. It's being turned into a film. It will be around a 10 minute short.
I've probably written a total of around 50 scripts by now. Some have won competitions, most have lost competitions, some have only been seen by me. The one identifiable trait I see in all of them is the connection they all make with behaviors and emotions. I think people connect to stories that do this. I believe the only way to pull an emotion from someone is to show them one.
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"Tell me a story that will make me cry."
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Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Thought Experiment
Consider the following:
Yesterday I visited my mom in Topeka. While she was at work, I sat on the back porch of the house drinking a beer. I wondered if a magical time machine would appear in the backyard, and my future self would greet me.
This prompted me the following thought experiment.
Lets say I drive out into the middle of an empty field tomorrow night. I would wait there all night, alone, waiting for my future self to show up. If my future self does not show up, I will then get a tattoo of the date, time, and geographical location of the field tattooed onto my body. From that point on, I will have one mission: to go back in time, to that exact point, and tell myself not to get the tattoo.
So lets look at this for a second. Logically, there are 6 possible outcomes:
Yesterday I visited my mom in Topeka. While she was at work, I sat on the back porch of the house drinking a beer. I wondered if a magical time machine would appear in the backyard, and my future self would greet me.
This prompted me the following thought experiment.
Lets say I drive out into the middle of an empty field tomorrow night. I would wait there all night, alone, waiting for my future self to show up. If my future self does not show up, I will then get a tattoo of the date, time, and geographical location of the field tattooed onto my body. From that point on, I will have one mission: to go back in time, to that exact point, and tell myself not to get the tattoo.
So lets look at this for a second. Logically, there are 6 possible outcomes:
| Time travel does not exist in my lifetime, or it does and I do not have access to it. | Time travel exists in my lifetime, and I have access to it. | |
| I got the tattoo, and still have the tattoo. | 1. I remembered my mission, and was unable to go back in time. | 5. I remembered my mission, and chose not to go back in time even though I could have. |
| 2. I forgot my mission, and was unable to go back in time. | 4. I forgot my mission, and did not go back in time even though I could have. | |
| I never got the tattoo. | 3. Something beyond the limits of this experiment stopped me from getting the tattoo. | 6. I remembered my mission, went back in time, and stopped myself from getting the tattoo. |
Now lets say I actually did this, and got the tattoo. As long as I have the tattoo, then I know the only possible outcomes that exist are outcomes 1,2,5, and 4. Assuming I have the tattoo for the rest of my life, outcomes 2 and 4 would be less likely. Now outcome 1 is most likely to occur. But what about outcome 5? Is the chance of this outcome occurring negligible?
The only thing I can say for certain is this:
If I completed the experiment and got the tattoo, I'm choosing to live in a world where outcome 5 has the possibility of existing.
And as I wait in that field, a small part of me would be a little excited, hoping to greet my future self.
And to me, that's pretty cool.
Maybe it's time for me to get a tattoo.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Butterfingers
Signs of Life is packed right now. It's Valentine's Day, so all of the tables that seat two are full. Some of the couples are playing board games. Others are balancing words coming out of their mouth with coffee going in. They're all aware it's Valentine's Day. They're wondering what that means for the night.
A few weeks ago, I was in a three-way tie for fifth place in the NYC Short Screenplay Competition. The top 5 moved on to the third round, competing for money and face-time with producers. They settle ties based on your two previous scripts, and the places you had then. I had the lowest of the other two, bumping me out. I was points away from the kind of opportunity that changes lives. I was disappointed.
Last night I played poker at Crimson and Brews. The winner of the games played there every Friday take home around 400 dollars. That's a lot.
I made it to the final table, and ended up getting fourth. This put me out of the bubble, a little bit of money going to third place. It's pretty disappointing. I had opportunities to go further, but didn't take them up. I fell right out of the bubble. Third place got their money back. I was disappointed.
It reminded me of something my mom told me when I was in high school. We were talking about my grades, a common conversation in my household. During the conversation, my mom told me about the difference between an A and a B. She referenced something my brother Kuma said. Kuma told my mother that he would rather get a low B (83 or 82 percent), rather than an 89. He said knowing that he was only a single point away from an A is agonizing. He would rather know an A is unreachable. Know that he didn't obtain something for a reason out of his own power.
Is there a certain level of comfort in knowing some of our goals are unobtainable?
I don't know why I remember that conversation, but that always stuck with me. Working hard for something. Wanting it. and coming up just barely short. That's disappointment.
But that's what life is. A long, continues series of opportunities. They come and go. Some are more important than others. Some are easy to obtain, some stay in the stars. It's frustrating when the opportunity you want is way beyond your reach. But it's also frustrating when an opportunity right in front of you slips out of your hand.
But maybe we can learn from the opportunities we don't get. They remind us what's important to us. Maybe the best way to know you want something is to be reminded that you don't have it yet.
The couple directly in front of me is interesting. They're both drinking coffee, ordered cinnamon rolls, and are playing a weird board game I've never seen. The game involves a wooden board with pegs, a deck of cards, and a straw sticking out of the wooden board (which might not be part of the game). They've been playing it for a really long time.
I wonder how they feel about the game. Playing it on Valentine's Day. The girlfriend dressed up for the night. The boyfriend is wearing jeans and a beanie. I'm not sure if that counts.
It's not a matter of whether or not she noticed. It depends on if she cares. She knows that she's sitting in a coffee shop right now, dressed better than her date. She knows as much as the rest of us that she spent more time getting ready than he did. Maybe that's embarrassing. Maybe she wonders if his beanie and jeans are symbols for his commitment to their relationship, or the night. Maybe she doesn't care.
But it's been my experience that people tend to think about things you wonder if they're thinking about.
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"What do you want?"
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-Ryan
A few weeks ago, I was in a three-way tie for fifth place in the NYC Short Screenplay Competition. The top 5 moved on to the third round, competing for money and face-time with producers. They settle ties based on your two previous scripts, and the places you had then. I had the lowest of the other two, bumping me out. I was points away from the kind of opportunity that changes lives. I was disappointed.
Last night I played poker at Crimson and Brews. The winner of the games played there every Friday take home around 400 dollars. That's a lot.
I made it to the final table, and ended up getting fourth. This put me out of the bubble, a little bit of money going to third place. It's pretty disappointing. I had opportunities to go further, but didn't take them up. I fell right out of the bubble. Third place got their money back. I was disappointed.
It reminded me of something my mom told me when I was in high school. We were talking about my grades, a common conversation in my household. During the conversation, my mom told me about the difference between an A and a B. She referenced something my brother Kuma said. Kuma told my mother that he would rather get a low B (83 or 82 percent), rather than an 89. He said knowing that he was only a single point away from an A is agonizing. He would rather know an A is unreachable. Know that he didn't obtain something for a reason out of his own power.
Is there a certain level of comfort in knowing some of our goals are unobtainable?
I don't know why I remember that conversation, but that always stuck with me. Working hard for something. Wanting it. and coming up just barely short. That's disappointment.
But that's what life is. A long, continues series of opportunities. They come and go. Some are more important than others. Some are easy to obtain, some stay in the stars. It's frustrating when the opportunity you want is way beyond your reach. But it's also frustrating when an opportunity right in front of you slips out of your hand.
But maybe we can learn from the opportunities we don't get. They remind us what's important to us. Maybe the best way to know you want something is to be reminded that you don't have it yet.
The couple directly in front of me is interesting. They're both drinking coffee, ordered cinnamon rolls, and are playing a weird board game I've never seen. The game involves a wooden board with pegs, a deck of cards, and a straw sticking out of the wooden board (which might not be part of the game). They've been playing it for a really long time.
I wonder how they feel about the game. Playing it on Valentine's Day. The girlfriend dressed up for the night. The boyfriend is wearing jeans and a beanie. I'm not sure if that counts.
It's not a matter of whether or not she noticed. It depends on if she cares. She knows that she's sitting in a coffee shop right now, dressed better than her date. She knows as much as the rest of us that she spent more time getting ready than he did. Maybe that's embarrassing. Maybe she wonders if his beanie and jeans are symbols for his commitment to their relationship, or the night. Maybe she doesn't care.
But it's been my experience that people tend to think about things you wonder if they're thinking about.
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"What do you want?"
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-Ryan
Thursday, February 5, 2015
(Former) Client
Currently I am a practicum student at Johnson County Department of Corrections Therapeutic Community. It is a 6 month inpatient program for convicts with drug problems. As part of my graduate program, I spend 16 hours of my week on site providing therapy.
Last week, a client came forward to the staff and informed us that he had gotten his hands on methadone and used it. TC has a pretty strict "no drug use" policy, so he's probably getting kicked out. He was my client, so I had the opportunity to sit down with him for his last few hours at TC.
I've worked in the mental health field for a few years now. Eventually, you tend to hear the same things from clients. Excuses for their behaviors, Everyday events that cause them anxiety. Problem behaviors they want gone. But the conversation I had with this particular client was different from most.
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"There's no high like heroine. I'm sick of being a walking cliche. Every day saying the same thing. That I have the willpower to stay clean. Telling the other clients here that this time is different. But I always just end up eating my words. I've let down so many people in my life."
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He'll probably die from drug use. Without this inpatient program, it's only a matter of time before he starts using again. So the only question is, "When?"
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Possibility of Ranch
The Superbowl is coming up. I know this because my clients told me they were going to watch it, and eat pizza. It was the first thing they told me when I began our group therapy session. Rumors flew about toppings. The possibility of ranch. They couldn't help but share with me their excitement.
Pizza is just one of those things. Their excitement reminded me of when I was a kid and my parents told me we were ordering pizza. My parents always got off work at 5. They would walk through the front door at around 5:10. Except on days we got pizza. We never ordered delivery, to save money. So one of them would have to go and pick it up, changing their arrival time to around 5:20.
Small things make you happy when you're a kid. Or in jail.
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"I just..... feel like I don't belong here."
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I've never enjoyed scripts that are over-complicated. I've read a lot of scripts, the majority of them are by amateurs like me, hoping for feedback. Because of the nature of screenplays, it's easy to tell when the script is being forced. The story is getting pushed out of the writer's fingertips.
Unnecessary use of complicated words makes you look insecure. I get the impression you're writing to be listened to. That you were writing, aware of how you sound to the reader. That you want to appear intelligent.
If you're telling a powerful story, your intelligence doesn't matter.
Powerful words aren't big words. They're words that make you feel something.
Recently I saw this status on Facebook.
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"It's funny almost, how fictitious one's contextual reality truly is. For people, places, and things can all be contrived from a dimension that only exists to one person, and the subsistence of this web from which it all came inevitably fluctuates and breaks, leaving only memories of things that never existed."
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Shortly after, I heard this from a client at my practicum site (an in-patient rehab for drug addicts in jail).
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"I don't think I can stay clean. I'm going to leave here and drugs are going to kill me."
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Words can be powerful. But the power doesn't come from their complexity. It comes from the emotions that carry with them.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Favorite Music Video Right Now
I would love to take a second and talk about the new music video for Childish Gambino's song Sober.
I absolutely love this video, and I want to talk about why.
Music videos don't need to tell a story. They just needs to be a visual representation of the song, or its themes. Sometimes artists try WAY too hard by pairing their song with a long, drawn-out story that has nothing to do with the song. And it can end up being terrible. Seriously what were you thinking Drake.
This video keeps the premise incredibly simple. He's high. He sees a pretty girl at a restaurant. He dances. She thinks he's weird. She thinks he's funny. She leaves. He sits back down.
But I love the attention to detail the video has. Lots of actions he does play into the song itself. The subtle things that make this music video impressive. How he waves at her when the song says "high". The cracking of the egg in his pocket to the percussion in the song. How his dance moves eventually become absurd and impossible when the audience learns that he's high.
My favorite part is the subtle squeaks from his shoes while he's dancing. It's something that would be edited out in post production, but it's purposely kept in the video. I think that was a great decision. The whole scenario feels so much more realistic. It's the same reason I also appreciated how his cardigan kept falling off of his shoulder while he's dancing. The whole thing seems so much more real when these things are happening. It never feels like you're watching a music video. It feels like you're watching someone that's incredibly high dance in a restaurant. And yeah, his cardigan would probably flop around while he's dancing. And his shoes would definitely squeak the entire time.
And the comedy comes out of nowhere. His awkward reaction to the pigeon in his shirt. The egg. But the comedy in the video is perfectly juxtaposed to this strange, level of darkness. I mean look at Childish Gambino himself. He looks terrible. He's so creepy. He has such a sunken look on his face, almost like a zombie. His shirt and cardigan look like he'd been sleeping in them for days. The restaurant itself is empty, lifeless. The environment has a dark, ominous tone. And of course, the ending. Childish has a realization at the end of the video that everything he was doing was fleeting. He was trying to grasp for something that was never going to be there in the end. And he can do nothing but sit back down and marinate in his own memories.
Even the song reflects this. The first half of the song is pretty poppy: a generic, electronic beat you might find in a lot of current popular music. But then the entire song breaks down into this incredible mess of bass beats, static, "whoo's!", and broken lyrics. Only to jump back to the original beat. Then silence. The song transitions from poppy dance song to wild electronic noise, matching the bipolar comedic and serious tones of the video itself. Did you notice how it's a clear night when the camera moves outside, but it's suddenly snowing when the beat changes?
For comparison, watch the music video for Chris Brown and Usher's song New Flame. Notice how perfect everything is. Every inch of every frame combed over by editors to make sure the musicians look perfect. Their clothes tailored to fit their bodies, their faces powdered with make-up. Nothing is realistic. You can't relate to anything in this video.
In a lot of ways, Childish Gambino and Chris Brown are singing about the same thing. Both songs are about asking a girl to give them a chance. To embrace romance with them, and to give them a chance.
But look at the difference in their approach.
Chris Brown is asking this girl to "start a new flame" with him. Why? Because he's rich, attractive, and famous. Does it work? Probably.
Childish Gambino is asking this girl to "give it one night". Why? Because he's incredibly high, and has no idea what he's even doing. He's afraid of his sober life, and wants her to be the drug that's replacing the one he's on. Does it work? No. She leaves.
In my opinion, this is the type of music video that rarely gets made because it's honest. Childish Gambino is asking the audience to see him as just a rapper, and not as a celebrity (After all, he labeled two previous albums, "I AM JUST A RAPPER"). So many music videos focus on the musician getting a girl (Reference: any Chris Brown music video ever), it's refreshing to see a musician willing to admit that, like the rest of the world, he's not able to woo any girl he meets with a song. Sometimes, he's just a guy that's way too high at a restaurant.
For more Childish Gambino, check out another great music video, Sweatpants.
-Ryan
I absolutely love this video, and I want to talk about why.
Music videos don't need to tell a story. They just needs to be a visual representation of the song, or its themes. Sometimes artists try WAY too hard by pairing their song with a long, drawn-out story that has nothing to do with the song. And it can end up being terrible. Seriously what were you thinking Drake.
This video keeps the premise incredibly simple. He's high. He sees a pretty girl at a restaurant. He dances. She thinks he's weird. She thinks he's funny. She leaves. He sits back down.
But I love the attention to detail the video has. Lots of actions he does play into the song itself. The subtle things that make this music video impressive. How he waves at her when the song says "high". The cracking of the egg in his pocket to the percussion in the song. How his dance moves eventually become absurd and impossible when the audience learns that he's high.
My favorite part is the subtle squeaks from his shoes while he's dancing. It's something that would be edited out in post production, but it's purposely kept in the video. I think that was a great decision. The whole scenario feels so much more realistic. It's the same reason I also appreciated how his cardigan kept falling off of his shoulder while he's dancing. The whole thing seems so much more real when these things are happening. It never feels like you're watching a music video. It feels like you're watching someone that's incredibly high dance in a restaurant. And yeah, his cardigan would probably flop around while he's dancing. And his shoes would definitely squeak the entire time.
And the comedy comes out of nowhere. His awkward reaction to the pigeon in his shirt. The egg. But the comedy in the video is perfectly juxtaposed to this strange, level of darkness. I mean look at Childish Gambino himself. He looks terrible. He's so creepy. He has such a sunken look on his face, almost like a zombie. His shirt and cardigan look like he'd been sleeping in them for days. The restaurant itself is empty, lifeless. The environment has a dark, ominous tone. And of course, the ending. Childish has a realization at the end of the video that everything he was doing was fleeting. He was trying to grasp for something that was never going to be there in the end. And he can do nothing but sit back down and marinate in his own memories.
Even the song reflects this. The first half of the song is pretty poppy: a generic, electronic beat you might find in a lot of current popular music. But then the entire song breaks down into this incredible mess of bass beats, static, "whoo's!", and broken lyrics. Only to jump back to the original beat. Then silence. The song transitions from poppy dance song to wild electronic noise, matching the bipolar comedic and serious tones of the video itself. Did you notice how it's a clear night when the camera moves outside, but it's suddenly snowing when the beat changes?
For comparison, watch the music video for Chris Brown and Usher's song New Flame. Notice how perfect everything is. Every inch of every frame combed over by editors to make sure the musicians look perfect. Their clothes tailored to fit their bodies, their faces powdered with make-up. Nothing is realistic. You can't relate to anything in this video.
In a lot of ways, Childish Gambino and Chris Brown are singing about the same thing. Both songs are about asking a girl to give them a chance. To embrace romance with them, and to give them a chance.
But look at the difference in their approach.
Chris Brown is asking this girl to "start a new flame" with him. Why? Because he's rich, attractive, and famous. Does it work? Probably.
Childish Gambino is asking this girl to "give it one night". Why? Because he's incredibly high, and has no idea what he's even doing. He's afraid of his sober life, and wants her to be the drug that's replacing the one he's on. Does it work? No. She leaves.
In my opinion, this is the type of music video that rarely gets made because it's honest. Childish Gambino is asking the audience to see him as just a rapper, and not as a celebrity (After all, he labeled two previous albums, "I AM JUST A RAPPER"). So many music videos focus on the musician getting a girl (Reference: any Chris Brown music video ever), it's refreshing to see a musician willing to admit that, like the rest of the world, he's not able to woo any girl he meets with a song. Sometimes, he's just a guy that's way too high at a restaurant.
For more Childish Gambino, check out another great music video, Sweatpants.
-Ryan
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