definition of quiet.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, and an old, Indian couple are sitting at my table.

And they are sitting in complete silence. They're both looking out into the distance, thinking about things. They haven't said a single thing to each other in probably 10 minutes. It's weird.

I mean they're sitting right next to each other, which usually prompts social pressure to have some sort of conversation. I mean it would for me, and I doubt that's a cultural thing.

Maybe they enjoy the silence. And I don't mean quietness. It's a coffee shop, there's plenty of noise. There's a barista grinding coffee. A little girl talking loudly about how her face paint makes her look like a cheetah. A college aged couple is doing that weird thing where they have a conversation they know needs to be comprised of only small talk because they're standing waiting for their coffee, and they know in the back of their minds anything they say is just pre-conversation before the real one when they sit down with their drinks.

But I think that's why I love writing in coffee shops. They're filled with people doing things.

People walking around me. Coffee cups getting coffee poured into them. Old, Indian couples quietly experiencing Starbucks' atmosphere. These things, to me, are quiet.

Actual quietness is distracting. It feels empty. Like there's supposed to be something there, and it's absence is felt by everything around me.

-Ryan

headphones look like earmuffs.

Writing conversations is easy.

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"King Kunta"

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On paper, script writing is comprised of two things: talking and action.

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"King Kunta"

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No complexity. No linguistic acrobats. Just conversations and actions.

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"King Kunta"

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But there's a flow to it.

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"King Kunta"

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A rhythm.

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"King Kunta"

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A cadence that flows in the script.

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"King Kunta"

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The beauty of screenwriting is found entirely within the script. What story is the story really telling? What story does this story remind you of? 

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"Oh yeah!"

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-Ryan

writing that down for later.

I woke up this morning to some good news. I am a quarter finalist for the 2015 Screencraft Short Screenplay Competition. I don't really know what that means, but I'm assuming it's a good thing.

Scripts for this year's NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Competition are due tonight at midnight. The assignments were given out last Friday, and we had 1 week to write a 12 page script. My heat had the following:

Genre: Suspense
Item: A Missing Library Book
Character: An 8-year-old boy or girl

Your script has to include these three things, and in meaningful ways.

This was definitely one of the harder competitions I have been in.  It took me about 5 days to come up with an idea for a decent script. 1 day to write, 1 day for re-writes, and I think I've ended with something decent. It wasn't the genre that was difficult. My most recent Suspense script was produced by a production company out in LA. That was only a 5 page script, but it helped me understand the nature of these films.

Apart from that, I have 3 other scripts being produced by production companies, and a TV pilot that I'm submitting for review.

Hey, and I'm graduating or something in like 2 weeks. With a monster in Cancelling Psychiatry. I think that's right.

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"Sorry. Sometimes I don't fit in booths"

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-Ryan

Alive!

I work with drug addicts. This is my opinion on addiction.

To understand addiction, you must first understand the psychology of addiction. Some people can have alcohol without getting addicted. Some people can gamble without getting addicted. These people can’t be called addicts, since the behaviors don’t impair their health or damage their lives. But there are individuals that are unable to do these things without getting addicted to the point that their lives are damaged.

So we need to make a clear distinction between the use of substances and the addiction to substances. Because of this, the behavior the addict is addicted to does little to determine treatment. No matter what they are addicted to, the addict is getting a boost in dopamine from an outside source.

Several years ago, an addiction specialist counselor spoke at a conference regarding addiction therapy. He explained that he asks his clients what positives they gain from their addiction. When asked why they participate in their addictive behaviors, addicts typically answer that their drug of choice gives them peace. They explain that it relieved pain, made them feel connected, or made them feel more confident. The addiction counselor explained that addicts use their drug of choice to feel human. They strive for qualities we should already have. So the question becomes, “what’s keeping them from having these qualities in their lives to begin with?”

As a clinician, it is important to remember that the addiction is not the problem. Instead, the addiction is the addict’s attempt to solve a problem.

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"that's really what you want in life. You want to feel connected. Want to feel relevant. Want to feel like... a participant in the going-on's of activities and events around you. That's precisely what we are just by being alive."

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Maybe we all just want to feel alive. But it's hard to understand what that entails.

-Ryan

Flying!

Over time, we as a society have filled the negative spaces around us with things. Open areas become blocks, to be used. We pay money to own these blocks, and find ways to make money from our blocks.

I think it would be really cool to fly, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. I don't want to metaphorically fly away from anything. I just think it would be really fun to fly. To escape the blocks.

I can't remember his name, but there was a psychologist that hypothesized that our interest in swimming comes from our desire to fly. Swimming is the closest we can get to flying. Moving horizontally, free from our own weight. Moving through the world, rather than on top of it.

The best I can do is to hope my lifetime will see the technology that allows us to fly.

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"When I say I want the moon, I want the moon"
     -"Wee Small Hours", Mad Men

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I also want the technology to climb up a building. Besides being a lot of fun, it'd be a decent work out. What was the name of that super hero that climbed on buildings? I think he had webs coming out of his wrists or something.

Dr. Spider. That's it.

-Ryan

having spaghetti for dinner tonight, probably.

It's been a long time, but I finally have a decent idea for a feature.

I usually don't write features. They're usually around 120 pages long, and I've never enjoyed the three act structure. I also get bored of the story quickly, and the skeleton structure of the story I begin working on ends up collecting dust in the bowels of my laptop before I write any meat on it.

But this one is decent. I like the idea. There's room to grow. There are important things worth talking about.

I want to buy a new laptop. My current one is fine, but it's cumbersome. It's hard to carry it around, especially to the coffee shop. Writing has become something I do on a nearly daily basis, and lugging around a laptop that doesn't even fit in my backpack is annoying. I want a small one. With a good keyboard. Compact. All I do is write on it. That'd be nice.

This is my last week at my practicum site. I'm happy to finally have more time to write, but I'd be lying if I said I'm going to forget my clients. They are all interesting human beings, needing help for very serious drug addictions. They all have interesting stories to tell, and I've enjoyed listening to them. I wonder if they'll remember me. I wonder if I've helped them; if I've changed their life for better.

I also wonder what I'll be having for dinner tonight.

At my practicum site, I see a lot of people that are suffering. I want them to get better, but I understand that everyone suffers in some way. Suffering is removed, only to eventually be replaced with more suffering. Therapy isn't about getting rid of someone's suffering. It's about teaching them how to deal with it.

I believe that's what therapy is.

Spaghetti probably.

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"But what is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness."

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Untitled Blog Entry

I've never understood why people are mystified by the physical and mental benefits of meditation. I've always thought the benefits are apparent when you look at what meditation really is. Relaxing. Getting comfortable. Taking deep breathes. Lowering your heart rate. Closing your eyes. Focusing on a single thought. Positive mental images.

Doesn't it seem obvious that people would gain positive experiences when they do this? 

So why is it that people treat meditation like a . Why do people connect meditation to extra-worldly experiences? To spirituality?

We already know that doing all of the things mentioned above would help treat anxiety, in any of its forms. 

I think it stems from our inherent fear of science. More specifically, our wish that we can be fixed by things beyond our control. Every human in the world deals with problems, and more importantly, are aware that they will face problems in the future. Knowing that we have a safety net, this higher power that's watching over us, puts us at ease when thinking about these future problems. Humans can put more faith in things like meditation if we can convince ourselves it's associated with something higher than all of us. Something more complicated than anything we could understand, even if it means ignoring the obvious, sobering realities.

That's why we meditate. That's why we invented concepts like karma. That's one of the reasons why we invented God. That's one of the reasons why we have religion.

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"I'll meditate on it and get back to you."

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It's crazy to me how many people believe that we think in a language. It's scary to me how many people in my cohort believe this.

I don't understand how this is such a misconception. If we think in a language, what language do deaf people think in?

Explaining thoughts is extremely difficult. We don't think in a language. We don't think in images. The only way to summarize it is through this redundant sentence:

We think in thoughts.

Thoughts are abstract concepts. They are brain activities resulting from other brain activities. 

Imagine a pink elephant. 

What are you thinking?

Imagine swimming in a pool. 

What are you thinking?

Now try and do this math problem in your head: 265-133=?

What are you thinking?

Consider the musician, on stage, improving a solo.

What is he/she thinking?

All of these are examples of an individual using cognitive thought. But they're not all using language. Thinking isn't constrained to just language.

Sheesh.

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"What does he know. Nothing, probably"

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The new Ben Howard album is really good.

I wrote a script that a lot of people liked. It's being turned into a film. It will be around a 10 minute short.

I've probably written a total of around 50 scripts by now. Some have won competitions, most have lost competitions, some have only been seen by me. The one identifiable trait I see in all of them is the connection they all make with behaviors and emotions. I think people connect to stories that do this. I believe the only way to pull an emotion from someone is to show them one.

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"Tell me a story that will make me cry."

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